Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Mismatch of the Millennium II

Several months ago I presented what I termed the Mismatch of the Millennium--Thor vs. Stilt-man. Yes, that Thor and that Stilt-Man. Admittedly, I was a little too harsh on what was basically a just a silly late 1970's story (as Walt Simonson himself pointed out to me in a very nice email).

Of course, there have been other terrible mismatches in Marvel history. Today it's time to look at one of those. So I'll be much more polite about this Mismatch of the Millennium: Iron Man vs. Kraven the Hunter.

Now, this was 1964, when Iron Man wasn't the effectively omnipotent Extremis-wielding manipulator of governments that he is today. No, in 1964 he was still dependent upon his chest plate for survival (and still whining about it every chance he got). He was constantly worrying about running low on power, because his foes had a nasty habit of jumping him right after he'd done something strenuous and right before he'd had a chance to recharge. When powered up, he was tough...but he wasn't able to maintain his charge even as long as my sucky wireless mouse, which needs new batteries every 5 minutes. So, unlike today, back then Kraven vs. Iron Man wasn't necessarily an automatic laugher.

So, how will 1964 Iron Man fare against Kraven the Hunter??

Ah, munitions...those were the days...
So pathetic, he didn't even deserve an on-panel punch
And so the primitive Iron Man drags off his mate...Uhh...that long. 3 whole panels (plus the drag off). Considerably less time than a man on stilts lasted against the God of Thunder (6 pages?!?!).

Of course, that was part of the fun of early 60's Marvel--Stan could have anybody show up in anybody else's book and they'd have fun with it (that whole bit with Kraven was just the set-up for a "Chameleon tricks Iron Man into fighting Captain America for a whole issue" story). Back then, we didn't need no stinkin' "Acts of Vengeance" to have one hero's foes fight some other hero...they just showed up!! Sometimes a cameo, sometimes a full issue...anything could happen. Remember the buzz when Nick Fury showed up at the end of the Iron Man movie? Well, that kinda stuff was happening EVERY MONTH back then. A wild and woolly place, that early 60's Marvel...

Kraven's sad attempt to join the big leagues took place in Tales of Suspense #58 (1964). Of course, that fight wasn't exactly suspenseful, so maybe the mag should have been re-titled Tales of Ass-Whoopin'.

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