Sunday, May 27, 2018

Gaze Upon Bruce's Ass, Ye Mighty, And Despair!!

How to relax after stopping a crime?

Why, there's nothing like a rousing game of handball, followed by basking under ultra-violet lights!

But then...

Wait a minute...

Wait a minute...

You will never unsee that.

Let's not forget Dick:

Goddamn, Wertham was right...

From World's Finest Comics #59 (1952), as reprinted in Batman Annual #3 (1962)

Saturday, May 26, 2018

A Faustian Beat-Down!

With a cover like this...

...you pretty know with metaphysical certitude that it's Dr. Faustus story.

On the other hand, if it were a Spider-Man cover, you could be 100% sure it was a Mysterio story.

[Editor's Note:

The exception that proves the rule!]

Anyway, Cap has thwarted the evil psychiatrist's latest scheme...but the fight's not over yet...




SAL BUSCEMA PUNCH!!!

You may think Cap won here...but wait until he gets Faustus' bill for this session!!

BONUS: Peggy Carter in action!

Oh, Peggy...

From Captain America #162 (1973). Amazing Spider-Man #170 is from 1977

Friday, May 25, 2018

Batman--Year Zero?!?

In case you were wondering what Bruce Wayne's college major was...

And that was only his sophomore year!! (And a pretty slow day in Gotham sports news, apparently)

If only that damned bat hadn't crashed through his window, we could have had Slingshot Man!!

From World's Finest Comics #59 (1952), as reprinted in Batman Annual #3 (1962)

Thursday, May 24, 2018

That Time Batman Discovered Pym Particles!!

Batman has cornered a gang of ne'er-do-wells in a building where SCIENCE is taking place!

Well, of course, everyone knows that upper atmosphere gases...

MAKE YOU BIG!!! 

(BTW, did anybody else feel ripped off by the movie Big? Didn't you think it would have been far better if, instead of turning into an adult, the kid turned into a giant? Just sayin'.)

Anyway, a big-ass Batman is great for fighting crime.

But there's one tried and true method to stop him:


Throw barrels of ground pepper at him. No, really.

Still, Colossal Batman has his uses:

But it's a good thing he's a billionaire, because when it's feeding time?

Some crooks do capture him.--because giants can always be caught by normal folks, you know--but Batman really does prepare for everything!

So, if it takes truckloads to feed Mega-Batman, just how much make-up did it take to so completely disguise his huge face?!?

Anyway, it's the Silver Age, so of course Superman disguised himself to fill in for Bruce Wayne at some can't-miss function, and the gasses wore off, and it's all back to status quo in the last panel.

Oh, Kal-El, you've never been more wrong. We need more Giant Batman. More and more!!

From Detective Comics #292 (1961)

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--Sow The Wind, Reap The Whirlwind!!

Kid Eternity learns a very important lesson this week: revolutions can be difficult things to manage.

We start at an unnamed Caribbean island...

Unfortunately, it's an island run by an evil banana plantation owner, so you get things like this ruining the postcard vistas:

Kid tries to intervene...


That's true. Who needs bare hands when you can call upon anyone from history or legend. Like...

Richard The Lion-Hearted!!



Unfortunately, they were too late to save the man being whipped.

Kid leaves Keeper to take of the body, while he goes off to find more about the evil Don Pablo.

Big mistake, because...



Yup...without Keeper around, no powers.

Now, I won't say this story is padded, but...yeah, it's pretty damn padded. Kid can't summon anyone, he encounters a lovelorn couple (whose story is never resolved), he keeps escaping and getting captured. It's pretty tedious, actually.

See?

Trust me, you're not missing much.

Eventually, Keeper shows up, so the story can get going again.

So the kid calls upon...

Pancho Villa!!
And Pancho promptly launches a revolution!

But:

Revolutions have consequences, kid. Those peons are getting gunned down!! Surely there was a more bloodless way you could come up with to end Don Pablo??

Still, Villa gets results:


Ah, but now that the peons are free...what will they do?

Oops--violence had begat violence, and things are getting out of control.

Who do you call to reign in out of control mobs?

Robespierre!

Wait, Robespierre?

Kid, have you actually read any history?

Granted, there is disagreement among historians about the role and impact of Robespierre in the wake of the French Revolution, but there is little doubt that he at least tolerated, if not encouraged, the excesses of the Reign Of Terror.

And, therefore, it's no surprise when...

Uh-oh...



Well, that will solve things, right?

Nope:


How are you going to get out of this mess, Kid?

Simon Bolivar!!
Now, Bolivar knows how to calm the folks down!



Before we get too excited, we should remind ourselves that the Bolivian constitution he wrote called for a president who served for life and hereditary senate seats. So maybe the campesinos shouldn't be so quick to cheer his "lawful government."

Still, it's a lot calmer than a bloodbath, so Kid can leave with a (mostly) clean conscience.

Ummm...maybe next time, Kid, just summon Hercules and have him take out the bad guy? You might not be able to contain the next revolution you start...

Anyhoo, after 32 stories, here's where the Kid Eternity Summoning Standings are:

Abu 1
Achilles 3
Antony, Marc 1
Aramis 1
Arnold, Benedict 1
Arthur, King 2
Athos 1
Atlas 2
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Bluebeard 1
Bolivar, Simon 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bucephalus 1
Bunyan, Paul 2
Byron, George Gordon 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Carden, Foster 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Colt, Samuel 1
Columbus 1
Corbett, Jim 3
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
D'artagnan 2
de Leon, Ponce 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Ericson, Leif 2
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Galahad 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hercules 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Holmes, Sherlock 2
Houdini 2
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
Javert 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Khan, Genghis 1
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Leander 2
Lee, Robert E. 1
Leonidas 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Mercury 3
Milo Of Croton 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobody 1
Nostradamus 1
O'Brien, David 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Penelope 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Porthos 2
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Richard the LionHeart 1
Rin-Tin-Tin 1
Robespierre, Maximilien 1
Robin Hood 2
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Samson 2
Sandow, Eugen 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Siegfried 1
Silver, Long John 1
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Sullivan, John L. 2
Tell, William 1
Thor 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Vercingetorix 1
Villa, Pancho 1
Vulcan 1
Washington, George 2
Webster, Daniel 1
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--Wronging the Wright Brothers...with dinosaurs?!?

From Hit Comics #45 (1947)